Waiting for Colin

By Sue Radke

With a tear in her eye she waved until the ship was out of sight. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. They’d barely been married a year.

Theirs had been a typical love story. Growing up across the road from each other, childhood friendship had blossomed into love as they had reached teenage years. Their families were best of friends as well as being neighbours. Everyone had been pleased by their union. 

The wedding had been the best her parents could afford. Patsy had looked beautiful in her gown and she’d blushed when she saw how handsome Colin looked. How could this wonderful man possibly love her?

But love her he did. He had a good job as an engineer and bought a lovely home for the two of them to live in. Life was everything they had expected it to be. A happy, loving couple, enjoying the best that the 1930s had to offer. At last her prayers were answered and she was able to tell her beloved that before too long a child would be sharing their lives and their love.

She realised she had one hand gently caressing her stomach as the ship disappeared over the horizon. “Never mind, little one,” she whispered within. “Your Daddy will be home before you arrive. I’m sure of it.” 

***

Two-year old Shirley played obliviously in the yard as her mother re-read his last letter from the front.

Dear Patsy,

Saw several mates killed today, right in front of my eyes. You wouldn’t want to know what it’s like, seeing people blown apart like that. Conditions are getting worse, you’ve no idea how we live here.

I don’t know how long this letter will take to reach you, so I’ll say ‘Happy Birthday” both to you and little Shirley. I can’t believe I have a daughter nearly two. Glad our parents are all there to help you out.

Have to go, we’re moving on. Can’t tell you where. Go see Jack White’s widow, I promised him we’d look out for her.

Love, Colin.

And now she’d had word he was coming home. Yes, he was injured, but what would it matter? He was alive, unlike so many of her friends’ husbands. Their lives destroyed, their hopes and dreams dashed.

Finally he’d be able to meet his darling daughter. Who wouldn’t love the little angel with the dark curls, cherubic mouth, and winning smile? She’d been teaching Shirley to say “Daddy” and had visions of the homecoming – Colin sweeping them both into his arms, Shirley hugging her father’s neck, and some normality returning to their lives.

She wondered how long it would be before they were blessed with a little playmate for Shirley. She so wanted a large family with Colin. 

A car pulled up out the front and Patsy’s heart leapt. Colin! She was out the front door and starting down the path as the driver helped someone into a wheel chair. She stopped at the gate as Colin turned the chair round.

Apart from the missing leg, there was something different about him she couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“Colin!” she ran to him and flung her arms around him.

“Not in the street woman.”

Patsy was a little hurt when he pushed her away.

“It can take them a little time to adjust.” The man she hadn’t noticed spoke to her as she watched her husband wheel himself up the front path.

Inside. That was difficult enough, given the steps at the front door. His remaining leg was still recovering from the surgery and he was wheelchair-bound until then.

“Mummy?” A little voice spoke from the back of the room.

“Shirley, come here. I’ve someone for you to meet.” Patsy swallowed her hurt as her daughter clung suspiciously to her side. “This is your Daddy.”

The moment she’d hoped for didn’t occur. Shirley hid behind her mother’s skirt and refused to greet her father. Colin didn’t even look up. He just sat staring out of the window. This wasn’t the way she’d pictured their meeting.

***

And so life went on. Each day Patsy hoped the old Colin would return. Each day she was disappointed. Each day he seemed to die a little more inside. She watched the other widows moving on with their lives, some meeting new beaus, remarrying, and starting a new family. Time was healing their losses.

For Patsy, there was no healing. Each day dragged on for her, each day Colin would sit in his chair, staring out of the window. Each day Shirley grew older and wiser, but still didn’t know her father.

At night Patsy dreamt of a time long past when she walked down the aisle to marry the man of her dreams. They had such plans for their future. But in the cold, cruel light of day, she realised that life rarely turns out as expected.

***

© Sue Radke 2008

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