Meeting People & Finding Love

By Megan Manser

In the movies people often meet in cafes and in bookstores and other seemingly mundane places. Somehow it’s made to seem incredibly romantic. In 'Before Sunrise', Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy meet on a train. In 'Lost in Translation', Bill Murray and Scarlet Johansson meet in a hotel bar in Japan over mutual eye rolling. In 'The Apartment', Jack Lemmon and Shirley MacLaine meet in a lift. None of these characters wind up walking off into the sunset together, but they do go on a romantic journey, which is really what most people are thinking about when it comes to this concept of 'falling in love'. It's all about this idea of meeting someone who clicks with you - even if it's just for a moment. 

But how do you make it happen in real life? Unless you look like Ethan Hawke or Scarlet Johansson, chances are instant romance isn’t going to spark between you and the guy or girl sitting next to you on the train. More often than not you’ll both sit staring straight ahead or reading your books or listening to your iPods and you wouldn’t have a clue if the person next to you said anything to you at all – and, if they did, you'd probably freak out. Which isn't conducive to romance.

It's the old story of time and there being a considerable lack of it. Work, driving, shopping, housework, and stress mean that it can become a chore to maintain hobbies and interests that allow you to meet someone who's right for you. So some people develop relationships through work or through their studies. But this can often become awkward if things go bad or be challenging if there's little in the way of diversity.

Which is why people are increasingly turning to dating services. They're really the modern equivalent of local dances. They give people the opportunity to meet others very quickly in a very structured, organized way - which is exactly what many people need. Speed dating intensifies that structure even further, giving people only a very small amount of time within which to pitch themselves as a potential partner. Which means it does fit fairly neatly into people’s busy lives. But speed dating also runs counter to the fundamentals of meeting people – ignoring bad first impressions, getting to know them, and making a decision based on feeling rather than on thought. Instead, the essence is about being the perfect partner in those few minutes.

The other thing about dating services is that the ads are a bit like real estate ads with their own set of words that need to be decoded – easygoing, fun-loving, and sociable all mean different things to different people. Unless you fit neatly into a very mainstream identity, they might not help you find what you're looking for.

The difficulties in finding love are immense - ultimately it comes down to trying a few things and seeing what works best for you. 

Let us know what you think: How do you go about finding love?

Making that first step can be hard - but rewarding. Take a look at this short story in Getting Hitched Fiction:

• First Date - by Nadine Cranenburgh - Black goo oozed from my tear duct as I fumbled for a cotton bud through a haze of misapplied mascara. I put my eyeliner pencil away unused. I have many talents, but make-up isn’t one of them.

For some sources of (fictional) inspiration see these Getting Hitched short stories:

• The Scent of Memories - by Owen Carmichael - "The sculptor's studio was little more than a big shed and verandah in the bush, at the end of a dirt road. A log hut had been added to the side. Nothing was painted. A tall, slim man with a dark brown beard and piercing eyes answered her knock. There could be no hiding from those eyes..."
   
• City Girl - by Sue Radke - "A city girl! The cut of her clothes gave her away. Not trusty old work jeans like everyone else, a new designer pair. And with those nails she was a stranger to manual labour. Pity, she was quite a looker otherwise..."
   
• Fresh Start - by Lucy Meredith - "Nearly home time, well that would’ve been good news normally, but today she really didn’t feel like going home to face the fury of her boyfriend Brian and resume the fight they’d started last night..."
   

How to Meet New People

• Dating Sites
• Activities for Mixing
• Starting Over: Meeting New People