I hadn't planned on changing my name when I get married and thought my fiance was happy with that. But now we are both under pressure from family on both sides. His mother says it is a sign that I don't have enough commitment to the marriage if I'm not willing to give up my name and I feel like she is undermining me. My parents are not much better. Even those who I thought would support me in this decision are being non-committal - making comments like sometimes it's easier if you both have the same name, what about the children etc. They making me feel like I'm being unreasonable or selfish. I'm annoyed that my fiance is just saying he doesn't mind instead of providing support.
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Comments (6)
I too have had some bad reactions, including "what's the point of getting married if you don't change your name?"
My question is, what did they think the ceremony was about? Would simply legally changing my surname to my husband's be as significant a commitment as publicly vowing to stick with him for the rest of my life? Duh...
Posted by Belinda | February 5, 2008 2:20 PM
I'd just change my name hun, as long as it's not something silly sounding!. It's tradition, and it saves confusion for others.
Posted by Natalie N. | February 14, 2008 5:41 PM
Yes, it does make life easier when you have children and all the family have the same name - all sorts of things like schools, doctors, etc.
Not too sure that it makes life easier for other things though. Everytime someone in our office gets married and changes their name, they change email addresses and we have to get new business cards printed and all the suppliers get confused.
Pat
Posted by Pat | February 14, 2008 10:10 PM
Pat, I've heard that argument that it's "easier". But so far no one's been able to give me any examples of problems that were averted or could have been averted by a shared surname that were anything more serious than being called the wrong name.
I sometimes get the feeling that people assume I'm *not* married to my spouse because we don't have the same surname, but I don't think that qualifies as a problem. I don't think it makes any practical difference to our lives.
Posted by Belinda | February 16, 2008 10:25 AM
Yeah I haven't had any problems with it other than what Belinda said, which isn't a big deal really.
I don't think you should have to change your name if you don't want to - it is your name after all, you're the one who has to live with it.
Posted by Samantha | February 28, 2008 4:05 PM
Just a thought..next time they bring up these arguements, why not smile and say you solved the problem by getting him to change HIS name to yours?
Posted by El | March 26, 2008 3:34 PM