My four longest term relationships involved a husband my own age, a defacto five years older then two men 8 years younger than myself. At 39 I have been with my 30 year old partner for 6 years and we have a young daughter.

Neither relationship with these two men started out with any intention of long term commitment - I was either just out of a long term relationship or about to go backpacking. Like anything in life - it was about timing. I needed to be involved in fresh, liberating situations and one of the great appeals of both men was their ability not to impose restrictions on me and their encouragement in allowing me to stretch my wings in new directions. The adventure was always shared.

What attracted me to my last two partners was their ability to embrace a wide range of walks of life without being stuck in a generational rut - these were men who could live in the moment but had the maturity to appreciate that that didn't mean they had to abuse it.

They were energetic and unbaggaged by life but understood the rich possibilities of life. These were men who engaged my curiosity but had the capacity to return a phone call - it wasn't about commitment but simply an understanding of courtesy born of security of self.

They were happy to give most things a go without needing to engage in a power struggle entrenched in gender roles. When we negotiate it is as adults and human beings - I don't need to fight to have my capacity respected as legitimate or equal. I don't need someone to look after me, I can do that myself but I am always the first to let my partner know how much I appreciate his sharing of his time, his mind, his love, his body, his challenges, his strengths and his fears.

Older women who are attracted to men younger than themselves have to be secure in themselves and able to respect the strength of independence in their partners as an integral part of being together. That's when it works.

These older women are not great fans of pubs and clubs but enjoy parties, events and feasts. These women are activists and absorb culture in all shapes and forms. These women have incredibly diverse groups of friends from all ages, cultures and backgrounds. These women embrace the world. These are their hallmarks. Because they often step outside the narrowly defined "norm" you won't always find them in the tried and true tracks.

Wow Karen, I would've just said a nice hair cut!