My partner has a lot of work and personal stresses at the moment (not to do with me) and he's lost any ability to deal with things going wrong. I don't mean he blames me - if he did, I'd know that was abusive. But when things go wrong he can't cope. A tiny thing is a complete catastrophe. This morning he howled the house down because he couldn't find his keys. He starts blaming himself for faults all out of proportion with anything, saying the universe or God is out to get him, and has on occasion self-harmed. I don't feel physically threatened but it is very distressing to witness. I try to be supportive but what this means most of the time is trying to fix everything before it becomes a problem, and then just managing the inevitable blowup. And trying to keep it all quiet. By the way he is in counselling. We tried couples therapy too but the therapist seemed to believe I was just overly controlling, because he seemed so normal in that situation. And I feel like I sound insane when I say these things. How did I even get here? So this is my dilemma: I feel like I have to be constantly on guard for triggers. I can't talk to friends about this because it seems so awful and I don't want them to know because I think they'll think less of me, so it becomes isolating. Sounds like abuse, right? But then I've started micro-managing his life, telling him to eat, making him put things in particular places, and even getting angry when he's obviously distressed. Am I abusing him?
- Jamie
