After dating for three years, J wants to move in together but I don't know if I can put up with his messy habits. He leaves his socks on the coffee table and never puts anything away. His father is the same and his mother just says that you have to accept that men are like that and pick up after them. J says my standards are too high and that he likes to be comfortable in his own house. He's perfect except for this but I don't want a lifetime of playing housemaid to a slob.

Distressed.

I hadn't planned on changing my name when I get married and thought my fiance was happy with that. But now we are both under pressure from family on both sides. His mother says it is a sign that I don't have enough commitment to the marriage if I'm not willing to give up my name and I feel like she is undermining me. My parents are not much better. Even those who I thought would support me in this decision are being non-committal - making comments like sometimes it's easier if you both have the same name, what about the children etc. They making me feel like I'm being unreasonable or selfish. I'm annoyed that my fiance is just saying he doesn't mind instead of providing support.

My mother-in-law keeps dropping not-so-subtle hints that my husband and I should be having children. Explaining that neither of us are ready to (or even in the financial position to) consider having children hasn't worked. I have kept laughing it off but she is getting increasingly persistent. How do my husband and I tell her FIRMLY to back off without causing a rift?

- Rachel